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Happy New Year. The numbers are good – 0123… let’s hope for the best… and prepare for the worst…

We managed a pretty merry christmas, in spite of everything – I did the whole nine yards, stockings, tree, mistletoe, midnight mass, full xmas dinner for 8 with all the trimmings including home-made bread sauce with the clove-studded onion, grandma’s stuffing, the best gravy in the world (of course) and flaming pud and brandy butter – you name it… plus a really good Lafite from the cellar… always a silver lining… but by the day after Boxing Day I had a mini melt-down – sis wasn’t being much help (needing all her energies to take care of herself, and being mean to me in her spare time) and I could see no end in sight… all agreed I needed a break.

So first a night off in Swaledale, where I went for a christmas party… lovely old house made up of a row of miner’s cottages – 20-odd folk sitting around singing carols by the fire interspersed with readings, recitations (including Albert and the Lion) and songs… plus good food and drink. Lovely. And I had booked myself a room at a lovely Inn nearby, Low Rowleth – oh bliss, oh heaven… a real 24 hour holiday… I want to go back there…

And then to Belfast for the Tonk New Year’s Eve Banquet… 3 days of peace and controlled mayhem with old university friends – just what the doctor ordered… (barely made it out of the house in one piece – my sis had her meltdown that morning and it was not pretty…) The Tonk Banquet began in Belfast in 1969 (my first was 1973) and is held annually in celebration of the various and sundry exploits of Henry Tonk (brother of Ernest Tonk, maker of the Honky Tonk piano) – discovering oil, going to Hollywood, or the Psing Prawn Province, and this year the circus. Perfect. Traditionally 12 people (we were 16 this year, tho’ never more than 14 at any one time), 12 courses and 12 entertainments (each person responsible for one of each), starting at 8pm and ending at 8am in the old days – these days the attrition rate is pretty high, but a small group of us made it to 4.30… I made a merry-go-round for the hors d’oeuvres (with help) of which I was inordinately proud, and also a savoury course – someone bailed at the last minute and I cannot say no to Marcus. He said it was called “Frying Trapeze” – ?? – Isabelle came up with the brilliant notion of Trois Peas and I was away… 14 of them I made… John made a cannon that shot Henry to the balcony, along with a lot of fireworks… this year was remarkable for the number of edible courses, actually a problem… usually many are more show than blow, which makes it easier to work your way through…but it was vintage, and I had the most marvellous time… thanks, guys, for keeping it up all these years so I could be there this year…. that’s what friends are for….

Back to Cotherstone and into my studio with Sam (Brendan had arrived from CA for a week’s visit and was in the kids’ room – I’ve been doing the bouncing bedroom routine…) – lovely to be out on our own for a bit even if the family dynamic was extra complicated. Mum is really frail – can’t really leave her alone in the house unless she is in bed… but then she’s only up for about 3 hours in the morning and 3 hours in the evening…. it’s awful to see her struggling up the stairs, oh so slowly, one ghastly step at a time, but at least she can still do it (only bloody just…) We all went to Richmond to see Life of Pi – a great outing, and what a film – breathtaking… only blighted by the fact that Sam was at the vet’s under general anesthetic having a bunch of stitches in his right front leg…. I thought he’d been in a fight but the vet thinks he caught it on something – massive gash, but very clean, and luckily no tendons or ligaments ripped, only the skin… after a couple of rocky days he seems his old self pretty much – but oh my heart…. didn’t sleep much for a couple of nights…

Brendan left a couple of days ago and Diana left this morning, so now it’s just mum and me. My new year’s resolution is to recognise when I need help and ask for it. I have started this week to have a carer come in for a half hour 5 days a week – sometimes morning, sometimes lunchtime, and one evening – it’s going to take working out, but I cannot do this alone…. already I know I need more…

On a lighter note, a lovely sight one morning as I was walking down the Hagg to the river – on the crest of the hill opposite, up by Low Shipley Farm, first one horse with a red-coated rider galloped across, then 2, then the entire hunt – fabulous…

and Diana and I got a lovely day’s hike over cronkley fell…

Also I had a loaner mandola for a month – a beautiful Fylde Octavius – I want one… the perfect continuo instrument with which to conduct Orfeo…

Well, the world didn’t end, mirabile dictu… but it has been a rough few weeks.

Mum had another op, 7 more tumors removed by local anesthetic, and I thought for a few days afterwards that she was checking out – it really took it out of her (no ghastly pun intended) – that’s the last time, I reckon. But she has finally rallied somewhat – the doc gave her a course of steroids to see if she’ll eat a bit more and get enough strength to enjoy the holidays and Brendan (youngest grandson)’s visit from CA in early January – after that, who knows? Meanwhile she is pretty high maintenance, god bless her… soon time for help, I reckon… But enough of the doom and gloom… the weather is doing plenty of that, thank you very much…

It is absolutely MISERABLE out there – dark grey, cold and unbelievably wet – thank heavens we live high up above the river, it’s in full spate, has been for several days, and there’s flooding in all directions… We did have a fabulous cold snap earlier in the month, with plenty of snow and ice and some blue skies, and consequently some good hiking, and hopefully the sun will come out again, if not tomorrow, then sometime soon – meanwhile the full length, caped and lined mac that I picked up secondhand has come into its own (it even has straps to go around your legs so it doesn’t blow open in the wind!) The short dark days put both me and my sis on a short fuse, which is not so good, but we are still walking together, in between spats, it is the only road to sanity… I caught a cold just before mum’s op (that 3-gig weekend did me in, I think, plus hiking in the snow), and tho’ I’ve got it under control, I’ve had a wretched cough ever since that I can’t shake, so have not been singing with the choir, tho’ I did go carol singing around the village here, stupidly but bravely – community spirit is important – but oh for a week in the sun with no obligations…. the good news is that my aunt was getting new carpets in her house, so I got her old stuff and have lined the studio floor from one end to the other – I miss the beautiful old floorboards, but tho’ not exactly salubrious, it sure is warmer! And the tree is up in the house, and decorated, and we light lots of candles morning and evening to chase away the dark and gloom…

At least we have passed the shortest day – even if you can’t tell because of the dark clouds and pouring rain, there will be more light every day, and we are heading back towards summer – hooray… a WONDERFUL SOLSTICE to one and all, and here’s to the return of the light. And a very merry to one and all, also. See you next year?

Sitting by the fire, waiting for a late night skype call from doug… sam is draped across the back of the armchair in which I am sitting in front of the fire – not a bad life….he is turning into an outdoor kitty, spending hours a day outside – the mighty hunter… he’s managed to figure out how to get into my studio by himself (the door latch is funky) so if if gets too cold out in the snow… smart cat…

I had a 3-gig weekend – 2 different choirs and a short solo set… go figure… on Friday I sang carols on the grand staircase at the Bowes Museum (the french chateau in the heart of teesdale); on Sunday I sang at Reeth Methodist Chapel – gorgeous little building, a real gem, singing Britten’s Ceremony of Carols and much else… really good harpist…. and Saturday night I did a short solo set to end the first half of the Mickleton piano teacher’s pupil’s recital in the Village Hall – couldn’t help thinking of MTO playing in Milan at the same time, made me smile…

I took mum to david crane’s english class this morning – the first lecture on macbeth – good one… we’ll miss the second part next week as thursday is when she gets her next slice – 4 more tumors to be removed at durham hospital…. we were hoping to wait until after brendan’s visit in january, but Rubin the surgeon said better do it now, while they are still small and relatively simple to remove, so be it… he and Ann Irwin the nurse specialist have been wonderful, I am so grateful… mum is really very frail now… still game, still valiant (a 4 hour bridge tournament the other day, held here in aid of a cancer charity, that started at 10 a.m. – which translated into me getting up at 7am to get her started in time) but it is all a supreme effort for her – I think that was the last bridge day…. Just getting up and downstairs for breakfast is a major ordeal now, her breathing is terrible…. and the marbles are going, albeit very slowly.. she cannot prepare food for herself, and can barely eat it if I do – the trouble is that she has figured out she no longer has much sense of taste or smell left – just sense memory…. she is just a skeleton covered in skin… she still gets her own alcoholic beverages, but for how long? even those are getting fewer and weaker, a sure sign of the times….

yesterday was a respite in the ghastly weather and I took a long hike up Lunedale, along the north side of Selset reservoir, a first for me – so beautiful, so remote… up to wemmergil and stackholme, back along the deserted road, past a burnt-out church in the last of the light – beautiful sunset, which should have boded a lovely day following, but instead we got lots of snow and sleet and wind… we’re set to have snow every day for the next week – winter is upon us…. another great hike the week before, up in the high country toward Alston – cross fell in deep snow, the moor thick with frost…

A quick trip down to London last weekend, to shake things up a bit, having put carers in place and told sam not to be too vocal about my absence (as though he would listen…). To wit: Art (kentridge and klein at tate modern) and Theatre (michael gambon and eileen atkins in beckett); sunday morning jaunt to Columbia Road flower market (to purchase an orchid for mum – saw my favourite buskers to boot, and scored a fabulous winter coat for pennies); sunday lunch (and much else) with jan (partridge and too much wine); sunday afternoon tea with david and valda, who were en route home to nyc after 2 week’s teaching in edinburgh (and with whom I also saw the beckett); and a wonderful boat ride down the river to Greenwich, to take the cable car that runs over the river from the O2 arena – gotta love heights… really fun… highly satisfactory all ’round. the only thing missing was music…

Talking of which, I wish to put an APB out for all possible UK musical contacts – everyone must know someone, right? It’s time to start putting out feelers here, both generally – for my creative health – and more specifically for Vagabond, my current labor of love. I would like to record a bit of it, and therefore…

4 voices wanted: young soprano or mezzo for the title role (sounding 17ish, passing as a boy) – early music type voice (i.e. little or no vibrato) but with some steel in there – plus alto (for the mother – richer voice), tenor (for the brother and husband) and baritone (for the father and other roles).

Variety of instrumentalists wanted: string quartet (young, hungry, good); bass (upright); clarinet/bass clarinet; guitar (acoustic and electric) – all with good reading chops but ideally also able to improvise) – plus 2 arabic musicians covering percussion (rik, dumbek, frame drum), oud, and possible ney/shenai/violin.
Simple, right?

And tomorrow is thanksgiving… how I will miss the Nyack gathering… who will make the gravy? I am invited out to lunch, as it happens, so will make that my thanksgiving meal and raise a glass to all so far away and say thank you for hands and hearts across the sea… I MISS YOU ALL. But I’ll be back…

dark november days
more leaves on the ground than on the branches
larches like golden ghosts in the ever darkening landscape
silhouetted against a sky heavy with impending rain

I was wrong in my earlier belief that this part of the world being is more about yellow than red – or at least copper and gold – the fall colours continued to be ever more splendiferous, and for an extraordinarily long time – it’s been an epic autumn, I think partly because with all the summer rain the leaves had a really good grip! but we are now headed into the skeletal season, with brown black and grey the predominant colours… only a month to the winter solstice…

Last night was first rehearsal for the St. Matthew Passion, which the Barnard Castle Choral society are going to sing in Durham Cathedral on March 16th – now that’s worth showing up to practice for…

The late-breaking bad news is that doug’s storage in the east village was flooded, and all our master tapes (kamikaze, wau-wa) got soaked, as well as much of doug’s archives, and all my road cases – I’d forgotten I’d put a lot of stuff there in the big clear-out. doug rescued what he could and is slowly drying out the tapes – friends have taken the road cases and keyboards and have packed them with 50 lbs of rice to try and dry them out – new yorkers, true grit…